How to Give Sincere, Specific Compliments

The ability to compliment well is a vital skill both personally and professionally. It is vital for relationships and has the power to build your team, promote the strengths of others, and help team members stay motivated and on track.

Unfortunately, many people have never developed the language skill to do this well. Be different, and you will create a different, more positive culture around you.

When you encourage others, it is important to:

1. Pay Attention

Pay attention to the big and small things that others around you value, do, and say. Notice things they do well. Look for attitudes, abilities, actions, words, and character traits.

2. Be Specific

Once you notice worthwhile characteristics, attitudes, actions, and abilities, compliment them on the small things and bigger things in a specific way.

Like This:

“I appreciate the way you give specific feedback to everyone on our team.”
“I like the way you designed the flyer. It’s eye-catching and sends a powerful message.”
“I’m grateful for your speech today. It was insightful and challenged me to make specific changes that will help me get better results.”
“You have a creative eye and in-depth knowledge of our target audience. I’m glad you are leading the design of our new marketing plan.”

Not This:

Too Vague:

Vague general compliments are not effective. In American culture, these are overused, and the hearer doesn’t even listen to these anymore. They are listening for the constructive feedback that will come after 1-2 compliments. Make your compliments specific if you want them to be received well.

Here are some vague, not-very-meaningful, unspecific compliments to avoid:

“Good job!”
“Your presentation was great!”
“You did really a good job”
“You’re a really nice person”

Another type of compliment to avoid is something that is:

Too Inconsequential:

Make sure it’s connected to a valuable trait or talent. Not something like, “I like the way you eat chicken,” or “You put on your jacket so nicely.”

3. Be Sincere

Compliment sincerely. Don’t compliment to win someone over or to get something from them in the future. People see through this. Also, if you don’t compliment based on true merit, your compliments can be damaging. Make sure your compliments are true, heartfelt, and delivered with genuine love toward the person.

4. Avoid Backhanded Compliments

If you use too many modifiers, your compliment can sound like an insult rather than a compliment. Some people actually use compliments as a way of being hurtful on purpose. While you may not intend to do this, you must be careful to avoid it. For example, these sound more like an insult disguised as a compliment, and they are hurtful (the italicized words are the ones that make it sound like an insult):

Your report is surprisingly good.
Despite what people say, you really are a kind person.
You’re smarter than you look.
You did a pretty good job on your presentation, considering how shy you are.
I’m really impressed that you’ve stayed on the team for the whole year.
Even though you are quiet, you are helpful and thoughtful.
Wow, you look great! Your clothes aren’t unprofessional today.

5. Show How The Person’s Excellent Qualities Affect You

Sometimes it can be helpful to say how a person’s good qualities and actions affect you. How do they make a difference in your life? For example:

Your attention to detail makes our whole team’s job easier.
Your positive outlook helps me keep going, even when it’s hard.
Your hug today encouraged me when I was at a low point.
Your post gave me a new perspective. Thank you.

Compliment often. Compliment promptly. Compliment people in front of others. Be sincere and specific, and you never know if you will simply brighten someone’s day or change the trajectory of their life. Either way, it’s worth it.

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Photo edited from Photo by Product School on Unsplash